Today, the advances in cancer diagnosis, treatments and research have increased the chances of cure. With this good news comes the reality of increased complexities and responsibilities that patients and caregivers face along the journey from diagnosis, treatment and beyond. It is our goal to provide you with the practical information, guidance and strategies to ease your adjustment and help you feel more empowered.

Each month we will offer guidance on a different topic generated from numerous emails you have sent us. We will continue to work collaboratively with oncology professionals to provide you with useful tools and information.We hope this format will offer assistance as you face challenges and change.

KNOWING THE RIGHT THING TO SAY

Caregivers are often the unsung heroes of a cancer journey. Providing support to your loved one while coping with your own feelings of sadness, disruption and fear can be immensely challenging. As caregivers, we often ask, what is the right thing to say? How can I best be there for my loved one? These questions often reflect a sense of helplessness at our inability to do more, or take away the pain or cure the cancer.

In the absence of working these miracles, we often feel that our efforts are sorely inadequate. It turns out, however, that simply being present and remaining connected can have a profound and lasting impact for cancer patients. Having cancer can be a lonely and isolating experience. Breaking through that isolation, and letting your loved one know that you are there to bear witness to their experience no matter how painful or difficult can provide tremendous comfort.

Here are some tips for learning how to be there for your loved one:

• Become informed about your loved one's cancer and the emotional impact of cancer. The more you know about what to anticipate the more empowered you will feel. It is normal for your loved one to be feeling a wide range of emotions including: anger, sadness, fear, loss, guilt, anxiety, numbness, and shock. These feelings may come and go, intensify and decline throughout the course of your loved one's cancer journey.
• Reassure yourself and your loved one that these feelings are normal and understandable.
• Remember that listening is a POWERFUL tool. You don't need to have the "answers". Making a safe place for your loved one to express feelings without putting pressure on yourself to come up with an answer or a solution, will give both of you freedom and connectedness.
• Make time for yourself. This may be difficult for caregivers to do. Many of us feel guilty or selfish for doing anything for ourselves. We are often consumed, and understandably so, with the needs of our loved ones. Finding some time, even if they are only small moments, for yourself can replenish, and re-energize you. Many caregivers find exercise, yoga, meditation, prayer, massage therapy, lunch with a friend, or time in a caregivers support group, very healing.

Helpful Resources:

• People Living with Cancer: http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainContstructor/1,1744,_12-001024-00_14-00Caregiving-00_17-001029-00_21-008,00.asp
• Caregiver Network:  http://caregiver.on.ca/
• Family Caregiver Alliance:  http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp